“There is no pleasing pool players” goes the oft quoted mantra, and judging by the regular and sometimes gruesome evisceration (metaphorical, sometimes….) of almost everything and everyone associated with the game, far from there being a grain of truth in the statement, there is a boulder sized lump of both perceptiveness and clarity in it.

The problem may stem from the standards set by some truly brilliant clubs across the country. When players that travel see the way things can be, the natural progression is to ask why on earth things can’t be that way everywhere. The fact that this is similar to expecting Sunday League football players to show inspiration a la Maradona every week is conveniently forgotten, and the intrinsic practicalities of making all clubs as one club are also treated with a mixture of contempt and negligence, as concepts, by the average nomadic player.

It is important to remember that clubs run by ‘outsiders’ (those ‘Squibs’ of the cue sport world, to paraphrase the coining of a phrase that J.K. Rowling never quite used, although I’d bet it was on her mind when she wrote the books…) find it difficult to discern between good players and outright choppers, and as such will always risk allowing the less able on match/team/better (delete as applicable….) tables, rather than actually have to make a judgement call and risk alienating a player that does have more cueing ability than the average Joe by insinuating he is to his chosen pastime what King Herod was to the BC Israeli childcare industry. This will inevitably result in tables being worn, torn and clawed up, more than they would be by ‘decent’ players, and it’s a problem with no obvious solution.

However, as much as the clubs should be given a certain amount of leeway from the players when it comes to the practicalities of keeping the tables something akin to an environment usually associated with polar bears and Torville and Dean, the players also have a right to expect the tables to be right when it matters. Tournaments cost money, and the average tournament player will spend £30 in current times for the privilege (somewhat dubious description there, but bear with me) of playing at a certain club, in the company of better players, competing at something they enjoy. That obviously doesn’t include the pre-requisite ‘ale fund’, or food costs, fuel costs or anything else, but as much as the player will include these when indignantly protesting to the organizer, since neither the club nor the organizer profit from fuel and food (in some cases, anyway) the inclusion of these is akin to the club asking for more money from each and every person in the building for the cost of the air-con….

Anyway, back on topic….

Since the players are paying a day’s money for the privilege of playing on said tables, against the rest of the motley crew assembled for their pleasure and entertainment, the least the club can do is make a genuine attempt at making the tables right. I’ve often heard comments (as I’m sure we all have) akin to “You can forgive a lot, if the tables are right.” Players don’t notice the fancy decor, the lovely pictures on the walls, the trophy cabinet which typically contains more dust than Tutankhamun’s long term residence. Club owners take note; Players remember the tables. Seriously. If you had a dancing clown who got eaten by an albino tiger halfway through his act, the players wouldn’t even bat an eyelid if the tables were right. Drinks prices? Forgotten within hours (with the exception of Great Yarmouth. I mean, come on. How long do they expect this extortionate monopoly to last if they continue to think exclusively about short-term gains?). Poor car parking facilities? Not even worth a mention the next day. Poor tables? Remembered forever.

There definitely needs to be a balance struck between clubs bowing to, and to an extent expecting to be excused by, the difficulties of getting things perfect, and the levels of expectancy present in some players. Yes, some clubs DO manage to keep their table’s spotless, well-maintained, brushed/ironed daily. They are to be commended as the best, but not necessarily used as the benchmark for general acceptability. At the same time, as much as players should realize that perfection is at times impractical, clubs should realize that they will inevitably be judged on their tables, and if they make more effort in that regard, they will receive a somewhat proportionate amount of extra respect for doing so.

32.7MPH – August 2009

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